Every hero knows that evil doesn’t take vacations. Comics warn us that when the forces of justice eat too much turkey and take a nap, villains prepare to strike. But at Biowars we’ve assessed the threats for you and come up with the five greatest perils this holiday season.
#5 Every Christmas card in the city suddenly being rendered blank
Batman: The Brave and the Bold #12 featured this terrifying scenario, in which Calendar Man had the power to physically erase every Christmas card in Gotham with the push of a button. How he thought of this dastardly plan—let alone built his doomsday device—is not explained, but the threat is clear. When Batman uncovers his plot and is about to stop him, planet Earth suddenly explodes. That’s about the time things start to get really strange.
#4 Zombie outbreak
As the name would suggest, Marvel Zombies Christmas Carol is A Christmas Carol … with zombies. In this interpretation of Dickens’ tale, Ebeneezer Scrooge has a lot less time to meditate on the true meaning of Christmas, due to the gathering army of undead threatening not only the holidays, but all of London. And so the fate of the world comes to depend on a man who probably has more in common with the zombies.
#3 Melting of the North Pole
This was the danger facing Earth in the Larfleeze Christmas Special. Larfleeze, always-greedy alien and foe of the Green Lantern Corps, learns about Santa for the first time, and decides to present him with a very long list of demands. When Santa fails to meet any of them, Larfleeze decides to get his revenge by destroying Santa’s home. Worse, he decides that melting the polar ice cap is the only way to really make sure he’s finished the job. The Green Lantern Corps stopped him that time, but there are no guarantees we’ll be so lucky again.
#2 Martian invasion
As if Santa didn’t have his hands full on Christmas already, in Santa Claus vs the Martians he’s also called upon to halt a Martian invasion, sending his (donkey-powered) sleigh up against terrifying tripod-like Martian walkers modeled on H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds.
#1 Nuclear armageddon
Everyone’s ultimate Christmas fear. And in Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special, we’re sorry to say it becomes a reality. Earth’s problems begin when the Easter Bunny pays Lobo to do a hit on Santa Claus. After traveling to the North Pole and slaughtering Santa’s elves, Lobo proceeds around the world in Santa’s sleigh, dropping A-bombs as he goes. We’re sure there’s a Christmas lesson in this story somewhere.
Here’s hoping that none of these calamities actually strike. Happy holidays and remain alert, Biowars fans!